This is where we left off:

Jona & Claire fly to New York after driving from Los Angeles to Tijuana to Portland in less than 24 hours. Upon landing at Laguardia and hailing a cab, Jona starts to feel ill. Is it the stress of the impending performance at the Kitchen? Is it exhaustion from a poorly planned tour schedule? Is it simply stomach flu?

There is no answer to these questions.

Nevertheless, JONA VOMITS WHILE RIDING IN THE CAB. The cab driver charges extra for clean-up.

The following day they perform at the Rhizome ten year anniversary party at the Kitchen.

Approximately one week later (nothing happens during this week (seriously) besides an incredibly random trip to Massachusetts) they pick up Flint from the airport. After spending a couple of days at home in San Francisco, Flint is fresh off a plane from the Mall of America.

What kind of car do Jona and Claire rent in order to maneuver the three of them around New England for this PowerPoint tour?

It's a Dodge Stratus.

The three promptly visit the Apple store on 5th Avenue, a shrine of capitalism and design of which the cohort of performers had previously only seen photographic documentation. While there, ROBIN WILLIAMS -- dressed slightly like Bono -- drops onto the showroom floor. It is 11:30 P.M. Mr. Williams' personal assistant points him to the section of the store where carrying cases and backpacks are sold. Robin picks out an awkward faux-hardshell backpack to protect his laptop.

The three then watch the season premiere of LOST on a laptop on the doorstep of Ben's house at 1:00 A.M.

At 8:30 the next morning, Jona, Claire & Flint leave Brooklyn and sped nine hours in the itsadodgestratus. North Korea, on this day, tests a nuclear weapon. Flint is very good at Canadian border crossings. They are then in Toronto.

Steven Kado reunites his band, THE BARCELONA PAVILION, for the occasion. TBP plays semiotic-theory-heavy offerings and Beat Happening covers. Generally, the three travelers are amazed and inspired by this performance. Jona and Claire perform incredibly well; the crowd is favoring its humorous side. Flint finds at least one heckler in his set, gets relatively aggro and combative. It is good. It is also a good challenge. Jona plays music, too, and it is incredibly good and special.

They stop for pizza.

Flint and Steve stay up until 3:30 A.M. talking about Linux, Daniel Buren, and rhetorical diatribes.

Here is the next section:

They are roused three hours later by Steve Kado's slippered feet padding about the house. Dark gloom still pervades the city of Toronto, where they attempt to sample Canada's allegedly forceful coffee roasts. Everything is closed; they must leave without. Their task, today, is to make it to the city of Buffalo, New York, by 9:00 A.M, in order to give artists' talks at the University at Buffalo, for their friend Al Larsen's media arts class.

The rain is so heavy they can hardly see past the windshield. Flint, again, takes them across the border without trouble. Asked what they did in Canada, he glibly responds, "We gave lectures about the Internet."

The artist's talks go over well (sans Flint's presentation where the entire class seems to "not get" his awkward conceptual "pieces") to a room of blank-faced college students. They show off their websites. Al gives them a box of Tim Horton's donut holes called "Timbits," which no one, due to dietary restrictions, can eat. They leave Buffalo. Fortunately, the Dodge Stratus has satellite radio. Jona is mildly saddened by the fidelity of the satellite radio.

(THIS PARAGRAPH IS PARTICULARLY GOOD) The drive back to New York City is long and harrowing, ending in an impressive Babylon-style lawless traffic jam from the Holland Tunnel straight to their destination in Williamsburg. Consequently, they are an hour late for their 7:30 performance at Monkeytown. When Montgomery, Monkeytown's honcho, calls in query of the trio's whereabouts, Jona expresses, "We are stuck in traffic. We are sorry. We are RIPPING ASS to your venue." Monkeytown is ambient and stylish, with four large projector screens and slouching designer sofas. The three are to do two performances, or "seatings:" the first is casual and awkward, but after Monkeytown gives them a spread of fine foods and drinks in the interlude, the second is much more successful.

They are enticed by the idea of perhaps spending the night at Monkeytown, because it is so comfortable. "We could watch a movie on the four screens," they suggest. Fortunately, however, their friend Dave Longstreth offers them three couches at his four-story brownstone in nearby Bed-stuy in trade for a small box of Timbits.

They fall into a well-deserved sleep. Bed-stuy is the farthest outpost of Brooklyn hipster housing. Biggie Smalls is from there. Dave's house is amazing and drafty. In the morning, they can hear the Dirty Projectors practicing in the basement.

Here is some more:

Manhattan breakfast and a simple walk to a gluten and refined-sugar FREE bakery make the following morning kinder than those previous. GAS HUFFER dude is also at the bakery. MARS VOLTA dude is at the breakfast place. They return in the afternoon to the Dirty Projector Punk House (DPPH) where the trio watches the second episode of the third season of LOST in QuickTime. Claire works on a new presentation.

They take the itsadodgestratus back to Williamsburg to a small venue whose name is now forgotten by this author. Due to the previous night's two performances in the same neighborhood, the crowd is small. Soup is served. There is a well-lit art space across the street called HQ. Claire's new presentation is coupled with a musical melody. It is by far the best presentation of the night. Flint then performs to the sheepish eight people in attendance. It is a wonderful failure. Jona's computer is out of tune during the entire set. This affects Jona's spirit and performance, which are, respectively, appeased by two vegan milkshakes from a "greasy spoon" style cafe very close to the venue.

Nikole, the trio's fabulously responsive friend who partook in showings on not one -- but two -- nights in Brooklyn, tucks them into bed after driving the itsadodgestratus by a visually stunning outdoor Hasidic derelict-tarp-shredded warehouse congregation gathering at midnight in the middle of Williamsburg.

They wake with a slight Project Runway hangover and pace themselves to Nikole's coffee shop where there is the challenge of the Internet. However, there is also fresh-squeezed juices and amicable lighting fixtures and awesome service. Our heroes stay there too long, quickly swing by the DPPH, then get stuck in traffic on their way to Burlington, Vermont.

Jona and Claire decide in the car that Flint "headlines" all shows from this point in time. There is one more performance. It is with Greg Davis.

Greg Davis doesn't play. The show unfolds in a cold art studio space in the middle of Burlington, VT, where the audience is particularly excited when they learn that the performance involves incense. After (Despues), Greg and Mandy take the trio to the local food co-op. They make personal dinners and watch one of the original Unarian dramatic stories told through film and translated to Video Compact Disc (VCD).

These are the last mental images presented to Jona, Claire and Flint prior to falling asleep.

{A brief sidenote:

Does seem as though this tour is planned particularly poorly? IT IS. Hilariously, so. First we have the Tijuana/Portland/New York travel schedule, then the 20 hours of drive time for one Toronto performance, then the three consecutive performances in the same borough in Brooklyn, and then the seven hours to and seven hours fro to Burlington. Not to mention that of the three performers touring together, one has never really toured before and all are giving PowerPoint presentations instead of playing music. The full hour of tech setup necessary for each performance is also remarkable.}

Finally,

Flint and Greg rip some Terabytes of MP3s after eating and strolling in downtown Burlington, VT. Jona rips a nice and cheap and warm coat. It is the general consensus that Burlington would be a livable town and that the word "rip" is taking over everyone's vocabulary.

YEAH! (just like in that JT single).

Back in Brooklyn, they find themselves at a vast and utopian Brooklyn warehouse apartment, home to their new kind High Places friends. A 1991 throwback-rave is happening next door. The quintet jam some vegan fast food and record a drum-kit-heavy jam session called "Fuck you, rave."

Jona and Claire fly to France tomorrow at 9PM EST.

Stats:
Celebrity Sightings: 3
Vitamin Waters Consumed: 10
Shows: 5

Truly,
Jona

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